big scary closet monsters

Personally, I’ve struggled more in the last year and a half than I ever thought I would. There’s just so much mess and heaviness all around. I’ve felt frazzled, anxious, worried, restless, and even really hopeless at times. As I’ve continued to explore and get curious and kind with myself, I’ve discovered something. I thought it might be a place for more than just me to look too. So here it is.

This place I want us to look is actually my current closet. You see, my closet in my room doesn’t have a light. This makes it hard to see my clothes, but mostly I’ve gotten used to it. My eyes have been so accustomed to looking in my dark closet, that they’ve actually adjusted to seeing the darkness better. Are you with me? Sometimes in life we’ve been looking for the mess, for what’s going wrong, for the negative, for how things should be different, that it’s all we begin to see. The problem with this is, I see this as we’re actually going into the dark closet and shutting the door. The dark closet encloses around us. We stay hidden, fearful, anxious, worried, restless, and hopeless. To that I say, uh well yeah! We’ve shut ourselves in a dark closet! What we must realize is Light is just outside of the door. It’s always there, but we must have eyes to see it. We must seek it. It’s easy to stay stuck in our little dark closet for far too long if we’re not careful.

It’s a choice. Now, sometimes someone comes to the door of our lives and opens it up to remind us of the Light. (That is why community is soooooo important.) However, I’ve been challenged in the last several months to look at another place as well.

This other place involves my own feeble hand. To turn the knob and reach and even run to the Light. Sometimes it’s not enough to wait for someone to come open the door for you. Hello ownership my old acquaintance..

If you take nothing else from this, take this - You have a choice, you’re not stuck, you don’t have to keep hiding, you don’t have to keep only seeking the dark. You can choose to find the beauty, to seek the Light, and relish in the small good moments. You can step out even when it feels so darn impossible. There are times when it will take actionable steps, like getting help or changing things. BUT that doesn’t mean it is impossible. You can flourish. You can have Joy and Abundance. You can choose to see the good. 

For me this Light I talk about is Jesus. A consistent, ever-present, Light. Always desiring to be in relationship with us. All of us. No matter how much has or hasn’t happened in our lives. The invitation is there.

Change is just a “feeble hand turning a doorknob,”  away.

much love,

kims